Planning and Control

When I was younger, I had lots of ideas about the way my life would play out. I also had faith in plans and their necessity. Truth is, half of those plans proved irrelevant - life had just taken a different course, and I, of course, kept playing my part along the way by making choices.

The older I grow, the more I feel that plans, by offering us somewhat of a sense of certainty and security, are a way we attempt to protect ourselves from existential anxiety in front of life's unpredictability. Plans, in my opinion, speak of an illusion of control. And control is what Ive been making a conscious effort to let go of.

How can you plan for the future, when you aren't there yet? Asked someone whose name I don't remember. I tend to agree. And in all honesty, I don't find this an irresponsible, fatalistic or disempowered approach. I find it quite courageous and in fact, realistic. I believe in free will as much as I believe in meant to be. We retain our independent sense of agency, because we keep making choices every moment. That's how we create our path. We create our path by walking it.

And that's why I focus on this step - the one that's in front of me right here and now - coz that is all there is - and I stay open to the emerging road ahead. I'm trusting life more than fearing it; and most importantly, I'm starting to trust my capacity to handle it, whatever 'it' may be.